"Can you give me any suggestions to help establish a bedtime routine to help avoid the "wailing and gnashing of teeth" that I regularly experience?"
Hi Amy. I get this question a lot. Without going into a full description of how food and nutrition and TV contribute to this, I will state the basics:
1. No sugar or dairy for at least 3 hours before bedtime- sugar for obvious energy related reasons, and dairy because it is hard to digest. If our body is busy digesting, it cannot rest well in preparation for sleep. (Yeah, ye olde "drink a warm glass of milk before bed" tale doesn't fly with me!)
2. Optimally no one should eat for at least 2 hours before bed
3. No TV right before bed, or as they are going to sleep. It really does interrupt sleep cycles and creates permanent anchors that make it harder for them to go to bed without it. Just ask my dad, going on 55 years of the TV singing him to sleep! (Of course who wouldn't want to go to bed with the theme song from "Gunsmoke?")
Just like my mother and her mother, and I am sure Great-Grandma Ruia, I have created a bed time ritual. It is not always to the letter, as days are different, but I try to stay close.
This sometimes involve one or all of these:
-Sometimes a bath with some great calming essential oils thrown in.
-A story or a reading from a book we are currently reading together
-A visualization or meditation or just lying down and listening to calming music
EO's: Everyone lines up, feet ready, and I massage EO's on their feet. I sometimes use the Beautiful Dreamer blend, Bliss, or just Lavender and Lemon, Mandarin or another citrus besides orange. I also love Coriander for children at bed time-it is a sedative and helps with insomnia. Lemon is said to historically help with bad dreams and nightmares.
Roman Chamomile is wonderful as well for it's calming abilities. Rose essential oil sends me to a land of fairies and cloud pillows. It is anciently known for it's clearing out of negative energy and thoughts. Rose oil is one of the oldest known oils. The historical tales are abundant, and it was written about originally over 7000 years ago!
My oldest son prefers Jasmine. It speaks to him, and I hope it speaks sleep! He is getting to the age also, that he likes to apply the oils himself.
So, I rub their feet. This is a gentle way to reconnect with our children and give them some love and nurturing. Many times this is our favorite part of the day. It heals a difficult day, that may or may not have involved screaming. ;)
My children are almost 11, almost 8 and 3.5 year old twins, and they all enjoy it.
Herbs: Everyone gets a couple squirts of Chill herbal tincture.
Can be found here: HerballyGrounded.com Herbally Grounded :: Home
-Brush our teeth
-We say our family prayers
-Hug goodnight
Now this doesn't always assure that the house will be as quite as can be and the only sound will be our real live mouse,"Gus"squeaking away on his wheel. But,when it is followed the results are usually good ones.
Sometimes, I will let the older boys quietly read in their room. I will also put calming oils in the diffusers in their rooms and set them for an hour.
What I find key, and comes from a wise man I call Dad... is consistency. You could pat their heads and say goodnight, and if they knew that this meant bedtime, over time, this would be all it took for the most part. If I am consistent, and I do not waver, and they have been paid attention to, gotten love and their needs are met and we have established this routine, then it only benefits all of us and mama's sanity. For as you know, if I were to have a tattoo, it would say, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Of course the inner journalistic nymph in me would correct the ain't to isn't.. you get the picture.
Every child and family and situation is different. Because of my husbands schedule, 4 out of 7 nights I am the sole "go to bed soothsayer", and this what I have established that works for us. Pick one thing and try it, then pick another until you have created your own night time ritual.
Here are some interesting and valuable points on sleep I have researched and observed:
-Children need to know what time bed time is. This helps with everything! It also offers them security, wether they show it or not. Children like to know when things will be happening.
You can point at the clock and if they know, and you are consistent, then less arguing is bound to ensue. Of course the occasional stay up late or Friday Night Movie Night is perfectly fine, they will still know their boundaries.
-Every hour of sleep you get before midnight is worth double what the hours are worth after midnight. (This continues to discourage me, and I try to jump in bed at 11:59, hoping it will count.)
- Every child needs sleep. Every parent needs quite time at night. This cannot be accomplished if there are no boundaries and bedtime is simply when everyone falls asleep. Granted different ages of children may dictate this, but there can still be consistency.
-Sleep factors into children's behaviors more than we know. A well rested child is a happier child. A well rested parent is a happier parent. Seems so simple! Shyeah!
P.S. Make dream pillows! (see below)
Bonne soirée!
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